The Panic Stage

Well, I’ve got 18 sleeps left until I go home for an indefinite period of time. Man, I’ve been waiting for that day for the last 2.5 months. And now I’m facing a little over two weeks before that day and the thoughts begin to pour in.

A very sad fact of my life is that I think quite a bit (it’s usually a good thing, but can be rather mind boggling at times…literally). When I am taking care of the kids here I often have plenty of time for my thoughts. This morning was just such a time. Every Monday morning all of my kids go to school. I am entirely alone at the house. I spend the morning folding the laundry of seven people. It keeps my hands busy and doesn’t require a lot of attention, so I spend the time either thinking or praying (sadly, it’s more often thinking than praying).

So, there I was, sitting at the table folding clothes. I put on a gentle CD and began my ritual of thinking. It turned out disastrous! I usually spend a lot of time thinking about my weekend and what happened then. Those are always pleasant thoughts because it involves my friends here. You people who only get to read about my life and don’t get to experience very much of it don’t understand the full extent of the fun times with the friends. Sadly, you are stuck with minimal input stories about certain sections of the weekend. For example, none (maybe one) of you know about my fun evening of playing games with Bart, Daniel, and Mark…and you’re never going to learn about it because I feel like keeping that to myself. Ha! Terrible, isn’t it?

Anyway, I was sitting there, thinking about my weekend and my friends. I was musing over the very fun times I had. Then I started thinking about my remaining 18 days. That was a bad idea. I realized that I have just about no time left here. I thought about my friends and leaving them behind, and you’ll never imagine what I felt inside…Panic! Unbelievable! I’m going home to people I know who speak a language I know, to a big bedroom, my own bed, a living room that I only share with my sister, Laurel…and I panicked!

So, there you have it, a post about my feelings. That doesn’t happen too often, so enjoy it. The conclusion is this: I’m happy and sad at once. I wish to have the best of both worlds, but that’s impossible. So, here I go on to the next stage of life (panicking slightly, but still going), and in the midst of the panic I am curious as to what will happen next. I suppose you, dear reader, will have to wait to find out with me.